To The Eagle:

How on earth did our country get to the sorry state it seems to be in? The answer requires a deep reach back into pseudo-history before ‘the fall.’ It may seem strange, but it explains much.

It began with two amateurish mistakes. “Do not eat from the fruit of that one tree.” Duh. What would any adventurous child do when challenged like that? It was destined to happen. Of course, there was some encouragement, from the world’s first politician.

It was that kind of snake who fabricated creation’s first lie in order to deceive the world’s most innocent woman: “Pssssst. Hey! Lady! The Gardener’s keeping the best fruit for Herself! Try one of these fantastic apples!”

Eve, ever curious, fell. She fell for the “apples on the other side of the fence always taste better” scam. Adam, just back from his umpteenth fishing trip, grabbed the apple out of her hand and took a huge, forbidden, bite. “Yuck. Looks better than it tastes,” he complained through a mouthful of bittersweet fruit.

Eve likely retorted “please don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s gross, and I was really hungry! You were supposed to bring us lunch hours ago!” So went the world’s first domestic squabble, soon to be followed by the Gardener’s second amateurish, fatal error.

Eden’s three miscreants were exiled into the wider world, thus afflicting it with its worst viper, the forked tongue politician, joined by the parents of creation’s most violent apex predators, humankind.

The rest is history, or, herstory. Choose your preferred pronoun. Meanwhile, the deceptions of reptilian politicians continue to be as American as apple pie.

JB Bouchard

Puget Island