What comes next after a holiday with your parents?

The holidays are one of the few times many adult children see their parents in person all year. If you went home feeling uneasy and noticing your dad’s driving isn’t what it used to be, or your mom seems more forgetful, that’s valuable information. Now’s the time to turn those observations into action.

Here’s a simple guide to help you sort through what you noticed and plan next steps without getting overwhelmed. Step one is to write down what you observed. Before the details fade, jot down notes about physical changes like weight loss, mobility issues, hygiene, or energy levels. Look for cognitive signs like memory lapses, confusion, or trouble following conversation. How was the home environment? Was it cluttered? Was there expired food? What about unpaid bills and safety hazards? What about their mood and behavior? Were there feelings of isolation or irritability or signs of depression or anxiety?

Remember to keep these notes factual and avoid interpreting or judging. They’ll help you track changes over time or share accurate details with healthcare providers.

Step two is to have a gentle follow-up conversation. Once you’re both settled, reach out and tell them something like “I really enjoyed our visit, but I noticed you seemed a bit tired lately. How are you feeling,” or “I’d love to help make things a little easier around the house. Would you be open to talking about that?” Remember to frame it as teamwork, not taking over. Ask open-ended questions and listen more than you talk.

Step three is to connect with professionals and local resources. If you’re seeing patterns that concern you, reach out for help early.

One good starting point is to schedule or encourage a check-up with a primary care physician and remember to bring your notes.

Another is to find services like meal programs, transportation, or caregiver support at the Area Agency on Aging & Disabilities of Southwest Washington (AAADSW). You can reach them by calling 360-694-8144 or emailing ClarkADRC@dshs.wa.gov. If your parents don’t live in Southwest Washington, you can contact the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 to find a local AAA (Area Agency on Aging).

Step four is to make a small, concrete plan. Start with one or two manageable steps like arranging automatic bill pay or grocery delivery. You can also set up a weekly video call or medication reminder system or offer to help research housekeeping or transportation services. Small steps build trust and momentum and prevent burnout for everyone.

Step five is to check in with yourself. Visiting aging parents may bring up feelings of guilt, sadness, or worry. You can’t do it all, and that’s okay. Talk to siblings or close friends about what you’re seeing. You can also call or email AAADSW. They can offer information, education, resources and local support services. Another option is to join a caregiver support group. A couple of options are the AARP Family Caregiver (aarp.org/caregiving/) or Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org/help-support/community) communities. It is also very important to schedule time for your own rest and care.

Seeing changes in your parents can be unsettling, but it’s also an opportunity to understand what’s really going on and start planning together. Take notes, have honest conversations, reach out for support, and pace yourself. Caregiving isn’t a single act -- it’s a journey, and you’ve just taken the first step.

AAADSW connects older adults, adults with disabilities and family caregivers to a full range of community resources designed to offer choice, improve quality of life and respect independence.

We are committed to helping our community’s older or disabled adults live and age well. We serve Clark, Cowlitz, Wahkiakum, Skamania and Klickitat counties in Southwest Washington. Requests for information, assistance and general inquiries may be directed to the Aging & Disability Resource Center at 360-694-8144 (toll free: 888-637-6060) or by emailing ClarkADRC@dshs.wa.gov. To learn more, please visit HelpingElders.org.

Patti Atkins is a communications coordinator for AAADSW.