Caregiving is a Love Language

Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do as a caregiver. Caregiving is not easy; not for the caregiver and not for the person receiving care. It requires sacrifices and adjustments for everyone. Often, family caregivers must juggle work and family life to make time for these new responsibilities. Caring for an older adult can also be rewarding. Many people find that caregiving provides a sense of fulfillment and that they like feeling useful and needed, but the ongoing demands of taking care of someone else can strain even the most resilient person. That’s why it’s so important for you to take care of yourself.

Caregivers frequently experience fatigue, stress, and isolation. Over time, these challenges can affect both physical and emotional health. Support services are designed to help caregivers stay healthy, informed, and connected so they can continue providing care without burning out. Caregivers do a lot for others. Because there is so much on their plate, many caregivers don’t spend time taking care of themselves. For example, they are less likely than others to get preventive health services, like annual checkups, and to practice regular self-care. As a result, they tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental-health issues, sleep problems, and chronic conditions such as high blood pressure. They are even at an increased risk of premature death.

It’s not always obvious when a person needs help. Some signs of caregiver stress are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or anxious; becoming easily angered or impatient; feeling lonely or disconnected from others; having trouble sleeping or not getting enough sleep; feeling sad or hopeless, or losing interest in activities you used to enjoy; having frequent headaches, pain, or other physical problems; not having enough time to exercise or prepare healthy food for yourself; skipping showers or other personal care tasks such as brushing your teeth; and misusing alcohol or drugs, including prescription medications.

Don’t wait until you are completely overwhelmed. Learn what your own warning signs are and take steps to minimize sources of stress where possible. When people have asked you if they can lend a hand, have you told them, “Thanks, but I’m fine?” Accepting help from others isn’t always easy. You may worry about being a burden, or you may feel uncomfortable admitting that you can’t do it all yourself. Many caregivers later say they did too much on their own, and they wished they had asked for more support from family and friends.

Understand that many people want to help, and it makes them feel good to contribute. If asking for help is hard for you, some tips that may help include calling our Aging & Disability Resource Center at 360-694-8144 or emailing ClarkADRC@dshs.wa.gov for help with information, resources and community-based services that may be able to help. Ask for small things first, if that makes it easier for you. Many large jobs can be broken down into simpler tasks. If you aren’t comfortable asking face-to-face, send a text or email with your request. Consider a person’s skills and interests when thinking about how they could help. Be prepared with a list of things that need to be done and let the other person choose what they’d like to do. If someone offers to help, practice saying, “Thanks for asking. Here’s what you can do.” Be honest about what you need and what you don’t need. Not every offer is going to be helpful. Be prepared for some people to say, “No,” and don’t take it personally. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by caregiving, tending to your own needs may be the last thing on your mind. However, if you can find small ways to lower your stress and boost your mood, you’ll have more strength and be a better caregiver.

Some suggestions that may help when you’re feeling overwhelmed include being active and finding something active that you enjoy. Even short periods of exercise can be beneficial. Work on having a well-balanced diet that includes a variety of healthy foods. Drink plenty of water every day. Aim to get seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Develop a relaxing bedtime routine to make it easier to fall asleep. Try to go to sleep and get up at the same time each day. To reduce stress, experiment with relaxation techniques like meditation, tai chi, or yoga. Download a smartphone app with guided meditations or relaxing music. Many of these apps are free. Also, carve out time each week to do something you enjoy that has nothing to do with caregiving. It can be as simple as watching a favorite TV show, reading a magazine, or working on a hobby.

You can keep up with your own health by making that doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off. Tell your doctor that you’re a caregiver, because they may be able to suggest resources online or in your community. Reach out for support by talking to a trusted family member or friend or seeking counseling from a mental-health professional. Join an online or in-person support group for caregivers. These are people who will know what you’re going through and may have suggestions or advice. Take a break if you need it. Ask another family member or friend to step in, hire an aide to come for a few hours a week, or sign up the person for day programs. Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to pretend to be cheerful all the time. Feelings of sadness, frustration, and guilt are normal and understandable. Express your feelings by writing in a journal or talking with a friend. Remember that you are doing the best you can and that you are not alone. Many caregivers have trouble tending to their own health and well-being, but give yourself credit for everything you’re doing. Your caregiving makes a big difference in someone else’s life.

AAADSW connects older adults, adults with disabilities, and family caregivers to a full range of community resources designed to offer choice, improve quality of life, and respect independence. The program is committed to helping our community’s older or disabled adults live and age well. AAADSW serves Clark, Cowlitz, Wahkiakum, Skamania and Klickitat counties in Southwest Washington. Requests for information, assistance and general inquiries may be directed to the Aging & Disability Resource Center by calling 360-694-8144 (toll free at 888-637-6060) or by emailing ClarkADRC@dshs.wa.gov. To learn more, visit:

HelpingElders.org.