Send for secret decoder ring
February 27, 2020
To The Eagle:
In these pages a fortnight past, Dennis Gordon performed his annual gauntlet-flinging ritual, challenging several of us to a town hall style debate, to which we once again demur, but note in passing the invisible elephant in the room, which is that that debate has been going on for at least a couple of decades right here in The Eagle. And that parley has been au courant with the scientific illiteracy of the enviro movement and the malfeasance and ineptitude of our state government as it applies to more local issues such as forest fires, farming, flooding, fishing, taxation, sewers, and bond issues. That debate, carried on 300 words at a time, is indeed one of the strong points of this newspaper, and of our community.
In fact, the entire debate crew took a rare hiatus last week, and our editor chose to fill the void on the letters page with an AP article that may or may not have been a response to previous criticism from the debaters. The article dealt with mysterious hand signals from President Trump, no doubt akin to the white power hand signals detected by zealous woke progressives at the Army-Navy game, and mystery militias formed to guard endangered Trump supporters. Pretty heady and sophisticated stuff for our rustic readership, but there is a special technique for reading these articles. Wear a little pointy tin foil hat and squint just right as you read and you will receive clarifying information through the fillings in your teeth.
Or, better yet, send me five bucks, and I will send you a secret decoder ring.